The army game is hard!

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ON SCREEN: Grand Theft Autumn Army. To begin, push start button.

PLAYER: I can’t stop dancing to this song!

ON SCREEN: Game voiceover by Seo Yuri.

VOICEOVER: Choose your character. Private. Sergeant in last year.* USO soldier.**

PLAYER: USO soldier! That sure sounds cushy!

VOICEOVER: The USO soldier has been abolished.

PLAYER: If it was abolished, why include it? Here’s a cunning trick: Instead of being a faithful army guy, I’ll try being a newbie.

VOICEOVER: Private.

ON SCREEN (under weapons available): Fist.

VOICEOVER: Use the L stick to control the private’s movements.

PRIVATE roams around the barracks

SERGEANT: Stretch out on the ground.***

VOICEOVER: Privates are not allowed to wander about.

SERGEANT: Stretch out on the ground.

PLAYER: This game won’t allow you to do that?

SERGEANT: Stretch out on the ground.

VOICEOVER: Please stretch out on the ground.

PLAYER: How am I supposed to do that?

VOICEOVER: The installed camera will understand your movements.

PLAYER: I have to do all this…. (does punishment pose) The army game is hard!

 

* Korean men must serve two-year stints in the military, typically going from privates to sergeants. Soldiers at the end of their term are notorious for getting extremely sloppy about their uniforms.

** The exact translation is “entertainment soldier.” This was a unit in the Korean military for celebrities–the idea was that they would promote the military and boost troop morale, but Se7en’s hand-job scandal put an end to it.

*** An order to take the postures Korean soldiers are expected to take as punishment for minor infractions–akin to “Drop and give me 20.”

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